“Tom, I’m at the plumbing shop. I’ve just destroyed your toilet seat.”
That was the opening to a phone call from my mother-in-law I received just this week.
It raises more questions than it answers.
How’d you destroy a toilet seat? Did you misjudge your run-up? Was it all-you-can-eat curry night at the pub again? Are you getting enough fibre, or is too much the problem? I’m going to need further clarification.
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“Whatever do you mean?” I asked.
“Oh, well you know how your toilet seat was wobbly? I tried to tighten the wing nuts that hold it on, but they were broken because they’re just plastic and I couldn’t get any purchase on them to fix them so I had no option but to saw through them. That rendered the whole thing useless so I’m at the shop getting you a new seat because I’ve destroyed the other one.”
My mother-in-law is great. Comes over all the time and helps out. Always fixing things. Super handy.
That’s the end of story No.1.
![](data:image/svg+xml,%3Csvg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 1280 720"%3E%3C/svg%3E)
All fixed and right as rain. Pic: iStock.
“Your father is off to war now …”
This was a text from my mother earlier this year. Again I had questions: Since when were we at war? And with who? Will Dad be fighting on home turf or is this a peacekeeping mission overseas? Why do the army want Dad, and what training has he had? I know he took up gardening in retirement – did he secretly join the reserves too? I needed to know more.
So I sent this text: “What in the hell are you talking about Mum?”
Her reply: “You know how I told you the other night that we’ve been having a big problem with millipedes around the house? Well, yesterday your father went to Mitre 10 and bought some surface spray. He’s just gone out to wage war on them while there’s no wind and before it gets too hot, because we’ve got to do something about them. It’s beyond a joke.”
No worries, Mum …
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Dad just after he was heard boldly proclaiming: “We shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds; we shall never surrender!” Except this is an actual pest controller and not my dad at all. Picture: Steve Tanner
And then there’s this other text.
“Tommy, my man! How’s it hangin’? Hey, just writing to let you know Katie is no longer my girlfriend.”
“Good,” I replied. “I didn’t want to tell you while you were together but she was a nightmare! We all thought so. You’re better off without her and you’ll find someone way better.”
I got a pretty swift reply. “Um, yeah, she’s my fiancee now … .”
As you’ve just read, there’s a lot to be said for having all the information.
Sure, some is a start, but in order to really get a proper grasp of the situation, you really need all of it. It’s the same when buying a house.
For most of us it will likely be the biggest investment of our lives. If you were buying a car, getting a new phone or getting something insured, you’d find out everything you could about it to ensure it was right for you and wasn’t going to give you any surprises down the track. So why do some people not do the same with houses?
My friend, Gavin, proposing to his girlfriend. We’ll call her Yoko … Pic: iStock.
I still hear reports from people who buy a property without getting a building and pest inspection. Their main reason? Cost. They didn’t want to fork out the few hundred dollars, given they were already spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on the purchase, and then throwing $40,000 of stamp duty on top of that.
Skip this step and you run the risk of inheriting a raft of issues. White ants. Salt damp. Dodgy wiring. Crappy plumbing. Hidden asbestos. The list of possible risks go on.
This is the sort of scene you can avoid by doing your due diligence and not being a tight-arse. Picture: Sam Ruttyn
Just as it pays to have all the information you need upfront about how a toilet seat broke, what your father going off to war really means, or the details of some upcoming nuptials that you’ll probably no longer be a groomsman for, it pays to have all the information you need at your fingertips when buying a home. And that means getting a building inspection.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to check out this toilet seat. It cost $118 apparently and is replacing a $30 Bunno’s jobby. Hopefully that means I can get in a good few more memes before my legs go to sleep.
I like how his little legs don’t touch the ground. Pic: iStock.
